The Smug Alert
SMUG ALERT: 98% Of Couples Who Go Jogging Together Are Smug Pricks, Finds Study
Per, Waterford Whispers News:

COUPLES who insist on jogging everywhere together are 98% more likely to be “smug pricks” compared to their single jogging counterparts who are just 33% as likely to be the same, a new study has revealed this week.

I finally understand House of Cards now, thanks.  Read the full article about the study surely performed by a group of fat, single people HERE.

SMUG ALERT: 98% Of Couples Who Go Jogging Together Are Smug Pricks, Finds Study

Per, Waterford Whispers News:

COUPLES who insist on jogging everywhere together are 98% more likely to be “smug pricks” compared to their single jogging counterparts who are just 33% as likely to be the same, a new study has revealed this week.

I finally understand House of Cards now, thanks.  Read the full article about the study surely performed by a group of fat, single people HERE.

SMUG ALERT: Nerd or Trying To Get Some One-On-One Time With Teacher?
Logan was the only senior not to skip school on senior ditch day.  
You better be trying to set up some sort of brazzers / porn set scenario with your Teacher, bud.  Make sure to report back with pics for evidence and science and stuff.

SMUG ALERT: Nerd or Trying To Get Some One-On-One Time With Teacher?

Logan was the only senior not to skip school on senior ditch day.  

You better be trying to set up some sort of brazzers / porn set scenario with your Teacher, bud.  Make sure to report back with pics for evidence and science and stuff.

SMUG ALERT: Last-Second Lane Merger Guy
This is Justin.  He just saved himself 10 seconds by refusing to merge with other traffic until the very last second before the lane he’s driving in closes. 

SMUG ALERT: Last-Second Lane Merger Guy

This is Justin.  He just saved himself 10 seconds by refusing to merge with other traffic until the very last second before the lane he’s driving in closes. 

SMUG ALERT: Roll Tide
I just spent the last 10 minutes riding this dude’s ass.

SMUG ALERT: Roll Tide

I just spent the last 10 minutes riding this dude’s ass.

SMUG ALERT: “Free”
Ha. Yeah… “for free.”  
Screw reality, right? Let’s just pretend you don’t pay out the ass in loads of taxes and that the government doesn’t run a monopoly on virtually everything. Statists gon’ state.

SMUG ALERT: “Free”

Ha. Yeah… “for free.”  

Screw reality, right? Let’s just pretend you don’t pay out the ass in loads of taxes and that the government doesn’t run a monopoly on virtually everything. Statists gon’ state.

SMUG ALERT: No Free Wi-Fi
Not sure if this is smug or if it should be applauded.  In any event, its a pretty creative way of handling not making enough profit to provide free wifi.

SMUG ALERT: No Free Wi-Fi

Not sure if this is smug or if it should be applauded.  In any event, its a pretty creative way of handling not making enough profit to provide free wifi.

His face says it all.

His face says it all.

Yes, cancer is so hot right now.
I’m pretty sure the gas-station sunglasses and sideburns negate any chance of this guy looking “GOOD”.  It’s like this guy is specifically putting effort into keeping his sideburns and beard from looking like they have anything to do with each other.

Yes, cancer is so hot right now.

I’m pretty sure the gas-station sunglasses and sideburns negate any chance of this guy looking “GOOD”.  It’s like this guy is specifically putting effort into keeping his sideburns and beard from looking like they have anything to do with each other.

This guy misspelled smug.

This guy misspelled smug.

A reader sent this photo in, asking: “not sure if classy or pretentious as fuck?”  
I have to go with pretentious.  Who the fuck tucks in their cardigan?

A reader sent this photo in, asking: “not sure if classy or pretentious as fuck?”  

I have to go with pretentious.  Who the fuck tucks in their cardigan?

Anna ends the majority of her questions with, “perchance?”

Anna ends the majority of her questions with, “perchance?”

Aaron wears glasses even though he has 20/20 vision.

Aaron wears glasses even though he has 20/20 vision.

The amount of clothes you “physically” own? As opposed to what, clothes you own mentally?  

The amount of clothes you “physically” own? As opposed to what, clothes you own mentally?  

SMUG ALERT: The Most Pretentious, Knowledgeable Person You Will Ever Meet
I love this guy’s, heavy usage, of, commas.  In any event, I’m pretty sure vocabularies can’t be knowledgeable.

SMUG ALERT: The Most Pretentious, Knowledgeable Person You Will Ever Meet

I love this guy’s, heavy usage, of, commas.  In any event, I’m pretty sure vocabularies can’t be knowledgeable.

SMUG ALERT: The Stench Of Smug In Trader Joe’s
If the parking lot at Trader Joe’s whiffs of suburban anarchy, then the inside of the store gives off the unmistakable odor of smugness — not the everyday, recognizable smug of folks who brought their own biodegradable shopping bags, but the ripe, putrid stench of smug that is normally reserved for wine drinkers and PTA members. If you’ve never had a conversation by the cheese island about how public school lunches “just won’t do for my little girl” and why over-privileged tots deserve goat cheese medallions, prickly pear juice and 27-grain artisan crackers, then the pleasure will truly be all yours.
And if you value your version of reality, try not to spend too much time chatting with other shoppers in the beauty and hygiene aisle. The smug alert is usually at higher levels surrounding those discussing the health benefits of using the 27-grain toilet paper.

SMUG ALERT: The Stench Of Smug In Trader Joe’s

If the parking lot at Trader Joe’s whiffs of suburban anarchy, then the inside of the store gives off the unmistakable odor of smugness — not the everyday, recognizable smug of folks who brought their own biodegradable shopping bags, but the ripe, putrid stench of smug that is normally reserved for wine drinkers and PTA members. If you’ve never had a conversation by the cheese island about how public school lunches “just won’t do for my little girl” and why over-privileged tots deserve goat cheese medallions, prickly pear juice and 27-grain artisan crackers, then the pleasure will truly be all yours.

And if you value your version of reality, try not to spend too much time chatting with other shoppers in the beauty and hygiene aisle. The smug alert is usually at higher levels surrounding those discussing the health benefits of using the 27-grain toilet paper.